i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
