how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
