yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
