My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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