seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
