you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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