My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
