I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
