nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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