I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
