feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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