Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
