he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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