Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
