Do you still have your period?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You can't special order awesome
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
