Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
