his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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