It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
