Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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