Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
