We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
