Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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