hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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