She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My pussy is not your playground.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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