i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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