shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
