i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
