my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
