I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
