its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
