I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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