your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
