there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
