I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
