Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
vagina is talking i cant
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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