Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
