i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
