You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
