My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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