Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
