brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
