1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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