Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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