When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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