My first STD was from a foam party
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
