Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
