im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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