Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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