im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
