Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As shirtless as possible
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
