Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
