yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
