I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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