Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
